Funny & Humorous

I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

I told my plants I’d stop overwatering them—they’re now in therapy.

I put the 'pro' in procrastination.

Running late is my cardio.

My bed and I are in a committed relationship—we just can’t seem to break up.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

Some people dream of success, while I just dream of snacks.